I spent 2 hours in suicide prevention training this morning. Yeah, a good way to spend my time. Gee, I WORKED in mental health. I think I know as much as any layman about what to do when someone is considering suicide. They had an interactive video where they would stop the video and have us (a group of maybe 45 or 50 people) decide what the next step should be. You know – should we
- a. Change the subject and cheer the guy up.
- b. Ask him if he is thinking about suicide.
- c. Say nothing.
It was pretty darn obvious to me what they wanted us to answer, but in most cases, the answer was that we should have said something different two or three comments back in the conversation.
Anyway, there is someone at work that I am watching because I am seeing some of the early signs that may lead to a situation later on. But, right now, I think I need to say Physician, heal thyself. I am not suicidal. But I am not feeling all that positive right now. It is kind of strange. I am bipolar. I don’t hide that fact. And some people assume that it means that the two feelings are completely opposite. That when one is on the manic side of the spectrum, one can’t feel depressed. Well, I can. Well, maybe I am just cycling faster than I used to. Maybe it is the death of my friend Annie that has me feeling low.
I am just tired of waiting for a contract offer at work. It has been the 6 months now. It was 6 months TODAY. Okay, maybe I should be more patient, but I am feeling used. I am working as hard (if not harder) than everyone else. I am commuting an hour each way. I have all the responsibilities and none of the benefits. No vacation time, no sick time, no retirement. And yes, I know most contractors get paid more than regular employees, but based on what Annabeth was saying, I will get as much as I am getting now (or more) when the contract comes through, so I am not getting a premium for being a contractor for them. I am just getting used.
I know the work market right now is hard. I know unemployment is at 8%. But this is also a job at a BRACed base. This base is MOVING to Kentucky. And I am not going to Kentucky, so I not only have to hope that I get the contract, but also that they will want to let me stay on HERE when everything else moves to Ft. Knox.
I just want some stability.
